I am living in another country at the moment. The removal was the only chance for me and my girlfriend to settle our lives together. We could set up house in my country but this part of the world isn’t quite safe today because of the war.
I miss my family and friends a lot. I’ve not seen them for about two months already. And I don’t know when I meet them again. I can only make plans. And of course I have fears like “What if anything happens in my country (or in the world), and I won’t be able to see my parents in the near future?” or “What if anything happens while I am so far away from my family?”
Another fear is a reason for my discomfort.
I find myself in an embarrassing situation. It’s not an easy thing to find a good job here – I don’t possess a citizenship of the country I am living in these days. And my parents send me money from time to time. My dad is worried about the situation. He thinks it would be better for me to come back home if I cannot find a job. And I understand his feelings. “His daughter moved to another country. She doesn’t have a job to sustain and lead a normal life”.
I want my parents to lose their fears. I want them to know I am okay. And I am okay because I am not alone here. I have my wonderful sweetheart, and we care for each other. I can’t wait to introduce my girlfriend to my family and friends. I need my family to know I’ve met a good person who I want to spend with every day of my life. If my sweetheart was a man I could introduce my love to my parents, and they wouldn’t be so worried about my life in another country. But I don’t have a boyfriend. I have a girlfriend who I call “my wife” and I am sincerely proud of our relationship. I am dreaming about one big family with my girlfriend and my parents sharing a table.
I hate this injustice – and I am so sad because of my fears to tell them my sweetheart is a woman.
I am safe with her being next to me. She supports me and sincerely feels my fears and worries. I want to find a good job here to make my contribution into our “money-box” :) And I need my parents to know I am happy as never before. I want everybody to feel comfortable. The saddest thing is I am in two minds at the moment and cannot find the courage to tell my family the truth. Oh, actually I can confess but I am afraid of it.
I am disoriented at times. I cannot lie to my parents but I am not ready to disclose my secret. And the most embarassing thing is I cannot leave everything as I find it. I need to find a solution.
My girlfriend is worried about my inner state. When I am sad she is sad as well. I don’t want her to feel this way.
I know it’s time for me to find courage to come out because I want all my dear people to shine with happiness. I don’t think it’s a good idea to tell my mom the truth via skype or by the phone. I want us to have a face-to-face conversation but I meet my mom in December, at the earliest, if everything goes well – I mean political and military environment in my country.